The Backflip Boys Weblog

It is a sad reality of my mediocre (but fruitful) life, that I was ripped off genetically.

While I was born with the genetic traits of the average, but extremely cute (as evidenced by my school photographs up to the 7th grade - things got a bit ugly for a while there), Australian child, somewhere along the way, the gene that would have transformed my average head of hair into an impressive mound of red and made me just a little more special, got a little lost and bypassed me completely.

For the sake of creating a more entertaining story, let’s just say it nipped off to the pub for a bit of Dutch courage around the time of my conception and subsequently forgot where it was supposed to be after closing time.

Honestly, who among you hasn’t been in that position?

My hair is pretty much boring brown (except for those bits at my temple that are starting to go gray as I become wiser) and I really shouldn’t have brown hair at all. It’s just not right for me.

For starters, both of my parents had heads of jet black hair. My older full blood brother has a dirty blonde thing going on, while my younger brother can be more or less classed as being blonde (physically, not mentally) but you can see the red in there if you can get close enough and don’t mind him gnawing on your forearms. One of my half brothers was a bit of a strawberry blonde but when he grew a beard, it was very red. On the other hand, my other half brother had the jet black of my father. Where my brown comes in is anyones guess. For some reason, red hair is definitely a part of my gene pool, albeit way down in the shallow end.

I know that, deep down inside, I’m a ginger. Like me, gingers are unique characters, often ridiculed by society for being different and where venturing out into sunlight is a disaster waiting to happen. As such, I fit into that role perfectly. Ask anyone who knows me well and they’ll tell you how left of centre I can be, how much I am ridiculed for no reason and after 10 minutes in the blazing Summer sun, I resemble a bipedal boiled lobster - exactly the same as your average everyday ginger.

Red headed people are given a hard time by everyone. There really isn’t a reason for it, but it does seem to distract people from their own troubles and our ginger brethren are more than happy to be whipping boys and girls if it helps out the cause. The fact that they seem to tolerate the term “Ranga” when being talked about shows a strength of spirit that demands admiration from the rest of society.

I do not in any way endorse the use of the term “Ranga” when referring to gingers - I find it to be a stupid nickname and whoever came up with it needs a good flogging. Even Wikipedia doesn’t have a page for the term and you can find all sorts of ridiculous stuff on that site.

Of course, there are some gingers who are so embarassed to be seen in their natural state that they go to extreme lengths to look “normal” and fit it - and yes, I’m looking at you Nicole Kidman. Hiding behind dyed blonde and straightened hair doesn’t change a thing. You are a traitor to your own kind and should be ashamed of yourself.

Unfortunately, it’s too late for me to move into the realm of the gingers. I would have a hard time fitting in as a ginger sympathiser because my dark hair would stand out like a sore thumb. The only thing I can do is offer moral support to my ginger brothers and sisters and hope that, someday in the future, society will accept them and embrace their difference.

In the meantime, if I ever find out how my two black haired parents bred blonde haired children, I’ll let you know.

Later days.

Trivial fact number 215:- Fourteen million people were killed in World War I, twenty million died in a flu epidemic in the years that followed - seems to me that releasing the flu virus would have been a much better and less messy idea.

Hello dear reader. I’ve missed sitting down with you and having a chat, but I’ve been a tad busy over the past couple of months with that distressing work thing I have to do so I have money to buy nice, pretty shiny things, eat and pay for my endless internet abuse. I have also only just finished processing the 350+ photographs from my friends daughters wedding in March.

It also doesn’t help that I have had some interesting thoughts of things I’d like to write about while I am at work, but they seem to disappear from my memory by the time I get home. My brain just isn’t what it used to be and all the good information seems to be leaking out and leaving me with stuff that may actually be useful in everyday life. A very sad situation indeed.

To this end, I decided to delve into the dark recesses of my hard drive and find something that may amuse and distract you until I find something even more interesting and noteworthy to write about in the future. So without any further ado, I invite you to ask yourself:

Did ya ever wonder….

…about people who spend more than $2.00 a piece on those bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE.

…how making a smoking section in a restaurant is like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

…if 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean one person enjoys it?

…if people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

…if a pig loses its voice, does that mean it’s disgruntled?

…why croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?

…why a person who plays the piano is called a pianist but a race car driver isn’t called a racist?

…why the number 11 isn’t pronounced onety-one?

…if Lipton tea employees take coffee breaks?

…if people who read the bible more as they get older are actually cramming for their final exams?

…if western mothers feed their babies with tiny spoons and forks, do Chinese mothers feed their babies with toothpicks?

…if we are put on the Earth to help others, what are the others here for?

…what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

…if a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Later days.

Trivial fact number 214:- Dublin is home of the Fairy Investigation Society - which pisses the Leprechauns off to no end.

Dear reader, I am not necessarily prone to bouts of lowering my standards to attract attention, but I can’t avoid the fact that it’s Oscars time again. To me, this shallow and vacuous event seems to come around earlier every year, but that could be attributed to the increased speed at which time is passing for me now I am over the age of 40.

Since I don’t watch the Academy Awards, you’ll be happy to know that I am not going to write a long rambling tale of what they mean to me. As stated in the previous paragraph, I find them (and all other awards ceremonies for that matter) to be shallow and vacuous. In fact, the only part of the show I do take any notice of if I should happen to be in the vicinity of a television showing them is the “In Memorium” bit where I get to find out who has passed away in the last year. This was the only way I found out that Elizabeth Montgomery had died. Sounds morbid, but comes in very handy when talking trivia and wanting to sound smart.

Instead, I shall regale you with the story of the first picture theatre that I ever visited as a child. It wasn’t really a cinema though, but the Mt Druitt Community Hall that someone had fitted out with a proper cinema projector and screen because he had seen a need for such a facility in the area that I lived in. Given the general lack of public transport and the low incidences of car ownership nearly 40 years ago, it was pretty much an ordeal to get to an “official” cinema.

If my memory serves me correctly, the first film that I saw at this pseudo cinema was “Tickle Me” starring Elvis Presley and I remember that it frightened me - you have to watch it to understand why a movie that was basically fluff could frighten a child of about 6 or 7 years old. Obviously, since the movie had been made a year before my birth, it was a rerun. That was the kind of place this makeshift cinema was - eventually, movies came to it and were shown and everyone was thankful they had a place to go on a Saturday night that wasn’t too far from home.

As far as the cinematic side of things went, the hall was only really used in that capacity during the spring/summer/autumn period. I don’t ever remember it being used for the showing of movies during winter.

Since the building was primarily a community hall that was used for a multitude of things, it wasn’t carpeted and had a polished hardwood floor. This came in handy because it alerted people to the whereabouts of the “usher”, who was just some strange guy who wore heavy army boots and would stomp around the place during the movie at all times during the show. I can never recall seeing him in outside of the hall in the foyer area, but if you ever attempted to whisper something to someone or coughed during a movie, he was right there in a flash to shush you. I doubt any couples ever found out what would happen if they decided to do a little kissing in the back row.

I remember accidentally emptying an entire packet of Jaffas onto the hardwood floor on one occasion. While there was applause from the other patrons, there was bitter disappointment from me since I no longer had a snack to eat during the show.

The last movie that I went to see at this pretend cinema was Grizzly on 1976 when I was 10 years old. For me, this was the scariest thing that I ever saw and I spent most of the afternoon sitting in the foyer because it was so scary. At 10 years of age, bears are scary at the best of time but put one on screen happily eviscerating people and it just becomes horrific not matter how many breasts are shown.

The days of the hall being used as a cinema are long gone now. After the summer of 1976/77 it all came to an end. The hall is still there and, from what I understand so is all of the projecting equipment. 30 years has seen a lot of change and, even with the advent of DVD, cable TV and internet downloads, the popularity of going to the cinema or even the drive in hasn’t really waned. Most of the movies are pretty much garbage nowdays, but if you’re interested in spending a few hours in the dark remembering what it was like to be a kid or imagining what your parents saw as entertainment you still can.

It only happens about 3 times a year for me.

Later days,

Trivial fact number 213:- St Nicholas, the original Father Christmas, is the patron saint of thieves, virgins and communist Russia - I think that sums up Christmas perfectly.

It’s where before meets after.

Interior decorators, hairdressers and makeup artists are all gay stereotypes.

Women can feel good about themselves with the right amount of encouragement.

People are blind to their clutter until someone comes and points it out to them.

Bedrooms are solely for making whoopee.

Folding T-Shirts is an art form.

Proposals and weddings can be extravagant affairs.

Joan Rivers will always have a job criticising celebrities more famous than she ever was.

Yard sales can be fun events.

Ruby may have lost over 100 pounds, but she hasn’t lost any of her heart.

Sassy black women can be both funny and cool.

Bill should definitely have never married Giuliana for any reason.

Dramatic reveals will always be delayed by a commercial for another Style Network program or a tip on how to do makeup.

Change is good.

Later days.

Trivial fact number 212:- Urine was once used to wash clothes - just another of the hundreds of uses for your wee.

Dear reader, I must apologise for leaving you in the lurch the way I have. It seems that the last time you and I sat down to talk was over a month ago and I haven’t even bothered to call you or leave you a note telling you that I am still in the land of the living. I feel a little like the guy you met at a club who took your number and promised to call you the next day - only I feel a bit more guilt.

So, what have you been up to? Have you gotten married or changed jobs? Did you have a baby, get a new partner, march in a gay pride parade? Maybe you went out on a limb and got yourself a tattoo (if you did, I really hope it was a tramp stamp because they are just that little bit more naughty than a regular one). As one of your close personal friends, I really do care about you and it makes me sad when we don’t talk.

As for me, it’s all been moderately exciting. Thanks to some logical financial decisions, I’ve been out spending money hand over fist on new photographic equipment and updated furniture that I think I deserve to have. UPS was a pain in the arse but in the end, I finally got my package. In two weeks, I’m photographing my first ever wedding and a couple of weeks later, I’ve been roped into a photo shoot for an up and coming musician. Sometime in May there’s the opportunity to do some family portraits, but that’s yet to be confirmed - that one I really am looking forward to because I really do need practice in that area.

Usually, I tend to avoid shopping malls but today I had to brave one to buy rechargeable batteries and new phones. Don’t get me wrong - the modern shopping mall is possibly one of the bigger evils ever devised by man, but they do serve a purpose. I just really don’t feel comfortable around crowds and the only thing you ever find in shopping malls are crowds of people wandering aimlessly. Most of the people aren’t there for any real reason, they just don’t seem to have anything better to do with their time. One day, I think I am going to just pick one person, couple or family and follow them around just to see what they get up to. I am betting they don’t actually buy anything at all and just spend their time window shopping.

I should apply for a government grant.

Another interesting event for me in the past month was that I turned 44. As my intention is to live at least until the ripe old age of 92, I am almost at the point where middle age will kick in. This means that I will have to think about my official mid life crisis. My preliminary ones didn’t cost a lot and are hardly noticeable (unless you see me without a shirt which I really advise you against if you are offended by bulges in all the wrong places) and usually need explaining. I’m not exactly  will sure what my real mid life crisis will involve, but an 18 - 21 year old of some description should not be discounted at this point.

Strange, I’m 44 but I used to think that 26 was old. I have heard that we tend to think that an age that is 10 years older than what we are is considered as being old.

So dear reader, this is where I am currently. Excluding the hangover I know I will have in the morning, everything is hunky dory. There is no need to panic aimlessly just yet - I will tell you when the time comes. Until then, just carry on as normal.

Later days.

Trivial fact number 211:- King Solomon of Israel had about 700 wives as well as hundreds of mistresses - yet the church is dead against harmless stuff like gay marriage and divorce.

Some people are born famous where some people have famousness thrust upon them. Some become famous for absolutely no reason whatsoever (are you reading this Paris because I have no idea why the hell you are famous and I wish you would just stop doing whatever it is you do that makes people take notice of you) but others become famous because they have that one thing that lets them stand out from the crowd and rise above the average.

Today, January 8 2009, would be the 75th birthday of the undisputed King of Rock ‘N Roll - his majesty Elvis Presley (had he not expired in the most undignified way a person could - cardiac arrhythmia while using the toilet of course). Obviously there are various celebrations being undertaken all over the world to commemorate this event. In the city of Parkes, located in the central west of New South Wales, this weekend will see thousands of Elvis fans converge to celebrate the annual Elvis festival. It will also include hundreds of Elvis impersonators and wannabes of all shapes, sizes, colours and sexes (for all I know there might even be one or two trans gendered Elvises out there).

Considering the fact that Elvis died in 1977, he still has a huge impact in todays society. For example, there are a lot of singers and musicians who cite Elvis as being an influence on what they do. When you look at a lot of todays musical artists, can you really believe that they will still have any kind of following 32 years after they finish producing any original material? Elvis is probably more famous and a much bigger money spinner now that he was in the later part of his career in the 1970’s.

In the same vein, despite all of the controversies surrounding his lifestyle etc, Michael Jackson will probably be just as well known 30 years from now as well. There is/was something about both of these men that captured the attention of the public and cemented their place in history. I could certainly throw the names of musicians who came and went over the last 30 years who produced some memorable songs that would mean nothing to you but had the same (or similar) quality of Presley or Jackson but, because they never achieved a mystical global following, have been relegated to the “one hit wonder” bin.

My mother was probably the second biggest Elvis fan I ever knew (the biggest being Lindsay Mitchell who went to Graceland every year) and if she was still alive, she would probably be marking this day in some simple way - maybe just playing her Elvis records all day or watching his movies on VHS (why get the DVD when you already had a video?). She would have been about a year older than him as well. so, on some level, she saw him as one of her contemporaries.

I wonder, had he survived to this time, if Elvis would still be getting out on stage and wriggling those hips for his fans or if he would have said around 55 years that it was time to throw in the towel. I’d like to think he had the common sense to go while he was on top. Whatever he would have done, it’s good to know that after all this time, he’s still remembered with love by so many people.

Mum would have been so proud of him.

Later days.

Trrivial fact number 210:- In 1939 the US political party ‘The American Nazi Party’ had 200,000 members - and McCarthy was worried about Communists?

Dear reader, as we hurtle towards the end of the decade (only 12 months to go), the penultimate year of the “noughties” has just about shuffled off its mortal coil and it looks like we’ve all managed to get through another 12 months without resorting to any messy murder/suicides, long prison sentences or, the increasingly popular, cannibalism. For achieving each of these magnificent feats, now would be a good time to pat yourself on the back for a job well done because once the credit card statements come in from your Christmas indulgences, one of the aforementioned options might just be what you need to cope and self congratulations won’t be high on your list of priorities.

This is the time of the year that we generally sit back and reflect on what we have achieved and get depressed over what we haven’t achieved throughout the year and resolve to do better in the upcoming 12 months. Usually such lofty ambitions are thrown out the window around around the middle of January as the holiday season becomes a slowly fading memory and the harsh realities of life takes hold.

I myself only make small resolutions since I already achieved all the biggies a number of years ago and since everyone needs at least one vice in their life, I won’t be giving up alcohol.

There are some years that I simply declare the new year as being some kind of event and then carry on as normal. One year I declared it would be the year I was pleasant to people but that lasted about a week because most of the people I came into contact with really needed to be punched in the face for one reason or another. Some of them still do. The Ace once asked me when the year of having a personality would arrive so he could note it. He’s a very strange guy….

I end 2009 pretty much on a high note. I’ve had enough of an enjoyable time at work and during my leisure time to declare it a moderate success. Add in my two work anniversaries (21 years on the railways and 20 years as an actual train driver) and the picture starts to form up properly. I know work shouldn’t necessarily be enjoyable, but when you work in the transportation equivalent of a circus, you really should just sit back and enjoy the clowns trying to run the show.

This year also saw me get serious about taking care of my health, after all I’m not getting any younger. The best news was that I have settled into a very comfortable weight (without the aid of the amputation of any heavy body parts), more and more healthy food is voluntarily appearing on my plate each night and my gym membership has been overly abused to the point where it really should consider taking out a restraining order on me. Mid year, I also discovered a passion for distance running - twice so far with more to come next year.

Old friendships have continued to become stranger and stranger over the year but new friends came along as well. Being the type of person who doesn’t make friends easily, getting involved with new people is a big thing for me. Who knew that people who were just passing acquaintances at work or in gym classes could turn out to be genuinely nice people who are interested in me as a person? Stranger things have happened (so I am told).

So what does 2010 hold for me? Other than one or two definite diary entries at this point, it’s hard to say where this time next year will see me. Definitely a year older for sure. Photographing my first wedding in March will tell me if it is worth the effort of chasing those kinds of jobs. I may even finally get around to painting the verandas around the house that should have been done two years ago.

All I can tell you for certain is that I resolve to stop biting my fingernails.

Happy New Year dear reader. Thanks for taking a few minutes every now and then to come and visit me and my ramblings - I really do appreciate it. For now, it’s time to party like it was 1999 ten years ago.

What? You mean it was ten years ago?

Later days.

Trivial fact number 209:- There are 240 white dots in a Pacman arcade game - wacka wacka wacka wacka wacka wacka wacka wacka wacka…..